I woke up like a motherfucker. My eyes close, a bottle of Jack in my left hand and my dick in the right. I wasn't masturbating, I have a fear of loosing my dick while drunk. I don't know how this started, but one day I was in the woods and my cock was singing, welcoming dawn in the hand of a stranger. I was terrified, I didn't know that woman and she had my dick in her hands, like it belonged to her and not to me. She (my dick is a she calle Tatiana Masterkova, don't ask me why, I know it by intuition) was on her own, behaving like an adult, like an independent adult, cumin off age and limb with a stranger. I'm telling you, what kind of a motherfucking life is this in which even your dick has her own and better mind.

Sweetened ugly armpits

Follow this MF link:
This cute invasion of our hearts makes me puke. This motherfucker only posts pics and videos of cute kittens, overdressed dogs, home fucking invading koalas and jailed rhinos. On the side, it advertises mattress discounts. I was looking for a vomit bags ad but I wasn't that lucky.  I fucking hate demagoges camouflaged as positivists.
This blogger wakes up, pissed, looks for the most amorous, heart robbing picture that could sum up the opposite of the feelings he or she is penetrated by, and posts it with motherfucking rage. Don't you feel the underlying disgust, the edulcorated revulsion?
It took me five motherfucking minutes to finally see the site for what it really is: a collage of ugly, undeodorized armpits spreading their flatulent, loving smell to rip out a nice, utterly stupid complacent face from all unaware motherfuckers. Stand up to cuteness!

P.S. I love armpits by the way, only not this kind!

Bikes, sheds and birds

Click in this link:
I was looking at it for like an hour. I tried to scratch my ball while doing it but my arms were paralyzed by rage.
I hate bikes. Motherfucking bikes reclined on a light-post, sitting in a corner, hanging from a hook in a fucking shed. I hate sheds. They are the rectum of a building, they should smell like shit. I could take the hook and destroy the bikes and the shed and then scream to the sky. I bet that my scream could explode the heart of any motherfucking bird flying by. I hate birds. Well, no, I really don't hate birds, I hate that they chirp and the way they tilt their heads. Feathers I could live with, away from me, maybe I'll put them in a box inside the motherfucking shed and set fire to the bikes tires.
Just look at the motherfucking blog about bikes, hundreds of pics of hundreds of bikes everywhere, like locust.